You know those memes that guilt moms by telling us, “You only have 18 summers with your child”? While I can’t stand the unnecessary (and inaccurate) guilt trip try to put on us, there is a tiny kernel of truth in there. Before you know it, your kids will be grown. Thinking about that made me realize that I need to spend more time focusing on life skills (or ‘adulting’ as my kids would call it). So, I’ve reworked our daily and monthly routines to prepare the kids for the future.
Be Intentional About Life Skills
Never assume your kids will just figure things out by watching you. If you want your kids to be truly prepared for independent adulthood, you’re going to have to be intentional about it. That means making specific plans for what you need to teach, and how you are going to go about giving your kids practice time.
Think Med School
You know the old med school motto, “See one, do one, teach one”? Apply that to your parenting. Well, maybe not quite that fast. Kids need a bit more repetition than that! You can give your kids a bit more practice but apply the same principal. Demonstrate how to do something. Have your child do that same thing while you supervise (until you both feel comfortable). Then have your child work on that life skill independently until she is capable enough to teach someone else how to do it.
Use Lists & Visuals
Raise your hand if you’ve ever forgotten to do something. It’s easy to do, right? If it’s easy for us as adults to forget things, imagine how much easier it is for our kids! Instead of expecting our kids to remember everything they need to do each day, we can use lists and visuals to help them. You can even make ones with pictures to help kids who aren’t old enough to read yet. In time the daily processes may become routine enough that they no longer need the lists. Either way, having a printed routine for your kids to reference can make your lives much easier.
Daily Routines
The first step to helping your kids build life skills is to establish daily routines. Most kids actually thrive on routines. These can be as simple as what little ones can expect to happen during the day, and as detailed as you want for older kids working on independent self-care. Notice that I didn’t say daily schedule. There is a very important distinction between a schedule and a routine. A schedule is usually time-based, focused on doing specific things at exact times of the day. A routine, on the other hand, is just about the flow of what needs to be done during different parts of the day. It’s important to set your routines around both your kids’ current needs and their future ones, because they won’t be little forever!
What They Need Now
First, be sure to include anything they need for right now, like remembering to get dressed or put their shoes away when they get home. These are the basic things you need your child to do in order for your days to run smoothly. It might include eating meals, school vs. play time, etc. Whatever your morning, evening, or daily routines look like, put it together for your kids. Even if your children are too young to do these tasks independently, getting in the habit of following a daily routine is its own life skill.
What They Need in the Future
Whether your kids is 5 or 15, it’s always good to think about the future. What will he need to do on his own as an adult? Cooking, washing dishes, cleaning the house, and so on. Add things to your child’s daily routines that will help them in the future. For my kids, part of their routine now is fixing their own breakfast. Even my youngest can pour herself cereal or microwave some sausage. That can then help establish the habit of cooking for herself later in life. Other great options are things like having a daily prayer time, tidying your bedroom each morning or evening, and doing something kind for others.
Monthly Themes
One thing I have started recently is having monthly themes for the life skills we focus on. These themes then help us to focus our goals for the month. Some themes I’ve chosen for us are ‘cooking for yourself’, ‘setting priorities’, or ‘personal hygiene’. Once you pick a theme for the month you can work as a family to set goals that relate to it. For example, if your theme is ‘personal hygiene’, goals could include learning to shower independently, or remembering to shower a certain number of times a week, or remembering to floss every day.
Goals You Set
Obviously as a parent your job is to set some goals for your kids. After all, they don’t really know what it is they don’t know! As the grown-up who has spent more than a few years ‘adulting’, you’re going to have a much better idea of what needs to be focused on. Each month you can set a goal for your kids for the life skills they are focusing on. For example, if your theme for the month is ‘setting priorities’, your goal for your kids could be to complete their morning routine tasks before they move onto anything fun like screen time, reading, or playing with toys. This helps them learn to focus on getting important necessities out of the way before moving on to the fun stuff.
Goals They Set
In the end, your kids need to learn to take ownership over their development. They are the ones who are going to have to live their lives as independent adults so they need to think about what is important to them. Each month, sit down with your children and have them set a goal for themselves while talking about the goal you have set for them. Obviously all of these goals will need to vary by age, and how much your child can contribute also needs to vary. A 15 year old can set a goal for himself fairly independently but a 5 year old may need to choose from a few options you set out for her.
Focus Your Routines on Life Skills
When it comes to parenting, the days are long but the years are short. I know, I know, that sounds cliche. Probably because it is! It’s still true, though! Before you know it your kids will be grown and on their own. That is both sad and wonderful. Take this time you have when they are young to prepare them for adulthood by teaching them life skills!
