“I don’t want to do this anymore. I hate it.” As I looked in the mirror that morning, I barely recognized the woman staring back. Shoulders sagging, exhaustion written all over my face, I was more than tired. I was spent in every way imaginable. We’d chosen to homeschool years before, yet I desperately wanted to give up. I dreaded the start of every day and avoided as much work as I could get away with. I was at the end of my rope. When our breaking point is fully in the rearview mirror it means homeschool burnout has set in and we need a reset!
What Causes Burnout
Years ago, I searched for an interesting ‘logic’ textbook to add to our day. I didn’t particularly want to do the lessons, but it was what all the big homeschool influencers said we were ‘supposed’ to do.
Fearing that I would do this whole homeschool thing ‘wrong’ and cause my kids to be behind everyone else, I ignored my instincts and added yet another subject to our already overloaded days. Do you want to guess how that went? If you guessed “terribly”, you’d be right. I made the classic mistakes that lead to homeschool burnout. I focused on comparing our schooling to others, overcommitted our time, and ignored my own needs and instincts, causing me to lose my peace.
Comparison
There is a reason they say, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When we make our homeschooling decisions based on what we see others doing, we set ourselves up for burnout. I know what you’re thinking; sometimes we see another family doing something, and it looks awesome. Is it wrong to do that? Absolutely not! Like most things, it comes down to our hearts. Are we adding in that subject or project because we *want* to or because we compared ourselves to others and felt like we weren’t good enough? There is an easy way to tell the difference. Are you using the word ‘should’ or ‘want’? Changing how we homeschool because we want a change or we want to add something new is great. Making a change because we think we should in order to ‘measure up’ to other families is a recipe for despair.
Overcommitment
Sports, clubs, youth group, co-op, tutoring, speech therapy, and more all vie for our attention and time as homeschoolers. Not a single one of these is a bad thing, but too many of them at once can be! You are only one person and you only have so many hours in your day. Adding too many activities on top of your regular school day makes you feel overwhelmed, putting you on the fast track to homeschool burnout!
Self-Neglect
You’ve been putting off a check-up for two years, you spend all of your rest time planning and cleaning, and you’re still wearing your old nursing bra even though you haven’t had a baby in 5 years. Does any of that sound familiar? We tend to put ourselves so far off to the back burner that we forget our needs even exist. All too often we ignore our own needs and desires.
We also stop listening to the very instincts that God has given us to guide our homeschooling. If I had listened to my gut and skipped that logic curriculum I could have prevented so much stress. Instead, like many of you, I had tuned out that little voice in my head telling me to stop and plowed ahead. That laid a foundation of frustration that built up to burnout over time.
How to Prevent Burnout
Before I was a homeschool mom, I was a classroom teacher. When we first started homeschooling I brought all of that over with me. I wrote lesson plans (even though I loathed doing them when I was teaching). I tried to make sure we stuck to our ‘schedule’ and checked every box in our curriculum. Then Christmas rolled around. I strictly followed the school year calendar, not taking off for the holidays until everyone else in the neighborhood had. But I also tried to squeeze in all of the fun holiday activities that were happening. So we squeezed our lessons in around parties and potlucks. What did that get us? A whole lot of stress and burnout!
The next year I had an entirely different plan. We switched up our schedule and took off for our holiday break starting at Thanksgiving. By trusting my gut, making a plan that worked for us, and cutting down to what mattered most, I kept myself from feeling as overwhelmed that year!
Focus
I have a child who loves horses and one thing I noticed in her shows and videos is that working horses often wear blinders to limit their field of vision. Out of curiosity I decided to look up why they do that. What I found said, “A horse that’s pulling a carriage needs to stay focused on its job. If it’s startled by something happening around it, it could easily bolt. That would be very dangerous for both the horse and any passengers.”
I was struck by what a great metaphor that is for homeschooling. Our job as homeschooling moms is to guide our children through their educational journeys. If we become distracted by comparing our work to everyone else’s it creates problems. It sets us up for burnout because we feel the constant pressure to change and conform to what others are doing. For our kids it could end up meaning that instead of focusing on their unique skills and needs, we’re fitting them into someone else’s box. Put your blinders on and focus on homeschooling that works for your family.
Streamline
A few years back I found myself getting snappy and impatient with everyone. We had non-stop appointments, activities, and classes and I struggled to fit our schooling in around it. One day I decided enough was enough and went on a bit of a rampage with our calendar. I contacted our specialists and changed the frequency of our visits, set some activities aside for another season, and cut things back wherever I could. It was the best thing I have ever done. It stopped burnout in its tracks.
The key is to remember that your activities are there to serve your family. When overwhelm starts to rear its head, take a look at your calendar. If something isn’t making your life better, cut it out. If it’s overloaded, prune it like a gardener does a rosebush. Above all, remember that not every good thing is a good thing for your family. Find what works for you and set the rest aside.
Self-Care
Someone out there is going to inevitably tell you that focusing on self-care is selfish. Whether she says it outright or makes a little comment like, “That must be nice. I was too busy taking care of my family to think about myself.” it’s going to come up. It’s really important that you ignore anyone who tells you that! Taking care of yourself is vital for preventing homeschool burnout! Eat on a regular basis. Make at least some of the meals you serve be ones that you enjoy, not just what your family wants. Go to the doctor when you need it. Take time to rest without feeling guilty or trying to be ‘productive’. Not only does it meet your needs, it sets a great example for your children. Taking care of yourself teaches them how to listen to their bodies, hearts, and minds. What a gift that is for them!
How to Deal with Burnout
I was reading Psalm 23 recently and something stood out to me that I’d never noticed before. In most translations verse 2 says, “He makes me lie down in green pastures.” (ESV). I’ve read and recited that Psalm countless times, but for the first time ever the word “make” stood out to me. Rest isn’t optional, or some bonus we earn. God insists that we rest!
When you’re feeling utterly burned out, rest is the key to recovery. Your body, mind, and spirit are all crying out for it. Maybe that looks like taking a vacation from school for a bit. It could also mean taking a break from a particularly troublesome subject or curriculum, or even asking a friend to jump in and help around the house so you can put your feet up for an afternoon! Remember, choosing to rest is a gift for yourself and for your family. You’re going to be a kinder, more loving, and more functional mom when you take breaks.
Change Things Up
I have a kid who hates math. I mean hates! On a regular basis math lessons resulted in frustration and anger. He was using the same math curriculum I was using for all of my kids, but it just wasn’t working for him. Changing what we did for math was the best possible choice. After a bit of trial and error we finally found the right curriculum that helped him learn in a way that worked for his brain, and the math fights almost completely stopped overnight!
Changing your curriculum or schedule isn’t always the right plan, but sometimes it’s exactly what you need. When you’re feeling burned out from homeschooling, switching things up can get you out of a rut and remove some of the stress that’s breaking you down. Take a hard look at what you’re doing and see what you can cut out and what you can swap for something else.
Take a Break
When my oldest was a newborn she had a nasty case of what the doctors called colic. It was rough for her, because she was obviously in some discomfort. It wasn’t exactly easy for us, either. Hearing your baby scream for hours on end is stressful and can bring parents to their breaking point. Knowing the strain it might put on us, our pediatrician told us that it was vital for parents of colicky babies to walk away when they felt overwhelmed. He told us to put our baby somewhere safe, like her crib, and then take a break. Go to another room, to the backyard, put your headphones on, or whatever we needed to do to get some space until we felt regulated and back on track.
Treat homeschooling just like you treat those early days of parenting. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, step away and take a break. If you’re feeling burnt out, take a day or a week off from school. These breaks aren’t about goofing off or being lazy. They are part of a strategic plan to make your homeschool journey successful. If you don’t already have regular breaks in your schedule, add those, too. Every month or two plan out a week off from school. It gives you a chance to rest and reset your mind.
Ask for Help
“Mature people ask for what they want and need.” Those words stung a bit as one of my friends talked about reading them in a book. It hit hard because I am terrible at asking for help, no matter how much I need it. Like a lot of moms I would rather walk barefoot across a bed of broken LEGOS than admit that I can’t do it all on my own! She was right, though. When we are barreling toward Burnout Town the quickest way to pump the brakes is to tell people what you need.
This applies just as much to your kids, your husband, and your friends. I have found it easiest to do this in a light and funny way with my kids. We are big fans of Bluey in our house. In one episode Chilli, the mom, needs a break from everyone. Bandit, the dad, plays ‘sheepdog’ with the kids to keep them away so Chilli can rest. So when I need a bit of space I tell my kids, “Sheepdog moment” and they know to walk away and let me be for a bit. With adults it’s best to plainly say, “I’m struggling today. I could really use your help with ___.” Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength and maturity, not weakness!
Handling Homeschool Burnout
Burnout doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human and you need a reset. Hitting that wall doesn’t have to be the end of your homeschool journey. You can use it as an opportunity to change and grow, to mold your homeschooling life into something that fits your family.
